There are some things about parenting that are left unsaid because the truth might discourage procreation. So, take the ‘red pill’ responsibly, remember no babies = no species and if my blog scares you off parenthood, DO NOT name me on the Day of Judgment.
Parenting is ‘painful’ business and I am discounting my 27 hours of excruciating labor here. You would assume that there is mild to nil danger in co-habiting with a two foot human being. You would be wrong and vulnerable.
Babies have Toys. Don’t be naive, Toys are weapons. Toy Story is true. Toys come alive when noone’s watching. Only, they are not cute loyalists. They are plotting to KILL you. Plastic dolls, cups, stethoscopes or spanners might hide under your blanket and break your back when you turn over. Lego blocks are essentially mines and despite being so brightly colored, are surprisingly inconspicuous. And even if you survive all of this, you are bound to want to die of the annoying noises that most toys make.
Also, a gentle reminder that humans are animals who have to be taught to be civilized. Which means, Babies are just wild animals with lesser hair – they bite, pull and punch with amazing force and very little inhibition. They are also adept at the guerilla moves – the worst usually hits when you doze off outside of naptime. Expect to wake up with fingers sticking in your eyeballs and nostrils, once in a while.
There really should be an industry of protective gear for parenting. I am seriously considering it as a line of business. Watch your back, front and sides, parents!