5 Types of New Parents

Finale of the throwback week – to a time when we started the journey, close to two years back!

Nobody is ever ready for parenting. Parenting classes, DIY books, the wiseacre aunt or the internet – nothing ever prepares you for what hits when the baby shoots out. We all react in varied, mostly hilarious, ways. Here are a few types of New Parents we tend to become:

new parent

#1 The OMG Parents: This couple has gone to every class on offer. You saw them at Lamaze class, Breastfeeding Symposium and Smart Parents Club (early parenting edition). They know the theory of parenting better than Einstein knew relativity. Being around them with a new born is like clearing the Minesweeper game – there are warnings getting flagged at your every move. And even marginal deviations would be met with resounding OMGs.

#2 The Que-Sera-Sera (QSS) Parents: The OMGs can’t stand this variety. The QSS parents have tremendous faith in the survival instinct of the human race. Mom probably rocked a glass of wine a day till the last day of pregnancy. They haven’t considered baby-proofing ’cause everything is pre-destined anyhow. Caution is boring and knowledge is corrupting.

#3 The Google Parents: These are your garden variety parents who are always wondering whether they are screwing it up. They missed the classes or weren’t paying sufficient attention, but are now stumped at every single move. Mom is usually feeding and surfing the net at the same time. Dad has Baby Centre in his favorites. They visit the clinic one too many times and are chased away by annoyed paeds.

#4 The Midwife Parents: This type learnt all they had to from their grandparents. The baby is most likely to be covered in black dots, threads or the local variant of a protective omen. They discard allopathy as a modern consumerist conspiracy. For eg: They prefer cloth nappies to diapers and seriously doubt the efficacy of exhaustive vaccination schedules. There is a homemade solution to every baby problem – just ask them!

#5 The Outsource Parents: The outsource parents have given up trying to understand this complicated game. Most likely, they are part of a large family and the baby is always rotating from one loving snuggle to another. The Outsource Parents assume that it is best to leave it to the experienced kind and go-with-the-flow. They follow instructions from all other type of parents and manage each situation differently. There is absolutely no formula they would emphasize.

D and I were type 3 although I would have gladly done type 5 if there was an opportunity.

What other types of new parents have you seen? What was your type?

 

 

 

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